Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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