I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E