dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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