There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
