Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
