What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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