Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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