just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
only you would photoshop your dick
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
