When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
