C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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