it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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