dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
