Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize