I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she looked like the before picture.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
