"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
