Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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