Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Someone came in the potted fern
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
