I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When are your genitals available?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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