Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Someone signed my nipple.
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