I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
