We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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