Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We had to coat check the pizza.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
