Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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