Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
