i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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