Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
