it's not cheating when I paid for it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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