Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Who died my cat blue again?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
