Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
