My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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