I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
