There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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