Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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