I feel great
I just peed on a car
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
