he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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