Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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