Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
