Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
