I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
