Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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