Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
