I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
