Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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