I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
