Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
