I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
