I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
