we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
