I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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