I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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