Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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