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Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
