I'm eating all of the evidence.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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