Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
