Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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