This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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