Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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