the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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