If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
