i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
