Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
