hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
