For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
